there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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