you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
