Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
