I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you inspire me to be a worse person
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
