I wish my penis had an off switch
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize