I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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