fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Every concussion has its silver lining
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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