All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
