The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
