there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I AM VODKA MAN
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
