I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
