i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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