So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
