Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
