I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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