Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
