I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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