Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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