I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
