I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
how drunk are you?
Several
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
