It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
