Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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