4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
