My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
