you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
