Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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