Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
