...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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