i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
