she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
then he tried to convert me to islam
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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