I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
