i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
