some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Pants are for mortals
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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