I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
