so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize