I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
