marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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