Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
