just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The beer is more important than you right now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
