Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
