There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize