At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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