Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
from now on my penis is your penis
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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