I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
