well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
