Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
