She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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