My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
