If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
