All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
