How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
