I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
