I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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