this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
