Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
