it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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