Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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