I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
