Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
