You're completely useless in the revolution.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
