My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize