I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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