Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
