My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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