I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
