idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
