I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
