I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
