so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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