We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's shark week go big or go home
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
