Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Do vagina's smell?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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