what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
