I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
