I puked a lego.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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