remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
