While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
