The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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