you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
