Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
