Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
