in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
