pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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