fuck your aforementioned shoe
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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