We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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