Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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