I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
