ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
