Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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