Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
