I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
