oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize