What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
