It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
