you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize