My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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