Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
