mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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