It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
